Hidden
by TurnAroundTime
Summary: We all have secrets, with reasons and ways to keep them. Here we have the boys of Shugo Chara share their view about the things they try to hide.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Shugo Chare (both anime and manga)

Warnings:

Mild spoiler: I did not actually follow the exact plot and flow to the detail, but if you haven't seen anime or read the mange, you might want to skip this story.Disturbing: some concepts here you might find a little odd, weird, and a bit unsettling, especially since we're talking about kids who had barely struck puberty.Amu-centric: the first few chapters will center on Amu, or at least will center on the boys centering on Amu.

Pairings: still to come, but we'll stick to Amu like I said.

POV: 1st person during the first few chapters

Setting: somewhere within the anime – I'm not really being chronologically considerate here, so please forgive me.

All kinds of opinions and comments are welcome

That said, I hope you enjoy this work.

* * *

The Dancer

* * *

I like hiding secrets. Not because I like hiding the truth, but because I think that truth is a treasure shared with people we trust, people who are important to us. People bond with secrets.

Among others, I have a lot of secrets to hide, known by few, and understood by fewer still.

I dressed and lived a girl's life during early elementary days. The school principal knew this, and supported me.

When Tsukasa introduced me to the 10 year old blonde boy, along with the truth that I hide, he was very much surprised. I thought he would think I was weird. I thought he would not want to be involved with someone like me. I thought he was too young to understand the concept of dedication and sacrifice.

But then he smiled, his face shining with kindness and appreciation of a new encounter. He leaned towards me and softly whispered, "It's our secret. I promised I won't tell anyone."

I was so happy that I finally found someone I can trust, someone who I can rely on. I share my secret with Tadase, and I freely act like a boy when we're alone. We became good friends immediately after that.

"Thank you for not telling, Tadase." I said once when we were eating lunch.

"It's not a big deal. We'll be working together from now on, we might as well be friends. And friends trust each other, right?" he answered sweetly.

"Right."

Students thought we looked like a cute little couple eating together like that. They squealed, and cheered, and even teased us as they passed by. I felt bad for Tadase. He might be bothered by it. He might think it gross.

But he just waived at them, cheerful and unconcerned.

"Maybe we shouldn't hang out so much." I said, feeling a burden's guilt.

"Why not?"

"Because people would think strange stuff."

"Well, I'm fine with that." he said like it wasn't so much of a big deal, "Besides, I don't mind being mistaken to be your boyfriend. You're a very pretty girl, Nadeshiko."

He winked at me after saying that in a proud and powerful voice. It made me realized how much of a remarkable person he is. From then on, I decided I would look up to him, and do my utmost to be the best friend he could ever have.

But that is only in concept. I could never afford to be with him as much as I want. I want to play with him, talk to him about manga and t.v. shows, but I can't. I have to act out with girls, and try to understand them more. I often walk down the hall with a couple of friends, and see him by himself. He would smile at me, and give me an ok signal, telling me he'd be fine.

But I want to spend some time with him.

Deep down, I felt angry, and anxious, and bitter. At some point, I began to feel hatred towards the girls I was supposed to imitate.

One day, I stole a chance after school and talked to him with my normal voice. I shared with him my feelings towards the entire pretense, and how not being with him is really difficult and infuriating.

"It's okay," he said, "I'll always be here. I'll always be your friend. But I know how important this is for your dream, so you shouldn't let our friendship get in the way. Please don't be mad at this, or at the girls, or at your mom."

We talked, and talked, about our dreams, our hopes, our goals. It felt good to go back to the trigger that lit the spark, to the roots of our dreams.

I realized then that I could not hate this secret of mine completely, because it was the bond that brought me and Tadase together.

I felt powerless, and at the same time I also felt strengthened. The dream that almost slipped past my hand was renewed, but I want to do more for Tadase, to be the one who will receive his trust with something.

But Tadase has no secrets to hide. Everything about him is exceptional, nothing that needs to be hidden, nothing that I could use to prove that he can trust me, as much as I trust him.

I admire him so much that it saddens me that I couldn't do anything for him.

Then she came into our lives.

His world turned upside down within the first few days of the 5th grade. His face became stiff with false smiles in public occasions and warm with flustered, dreamy blushes in private ones. Guardian duty was neglected with his constant daydreaming. Our conversations became duller, forcing me to take up the pace while he stared blankly in midair.

Something was going on. I was concerned, but I was also excited, because finally I will be able to do something for him.

"Tadase-kun," I called out, forcing his attention back in the real world, "Is something bothering you? You've been acting really strange, lately."

"Oh, um, have I?"

"You know you can tell me anything, right?" I asked, hopeful, inviting, and at the same time nervous.

He looked from all directions making sure no one else was there to hear. He then leaned towards me and shared the one secret the Guardian king has been hiding for the past few days.

"You – are in love with Hinamori Amu?" I asked, accidentally using my male voice and in a high volume as well.

"Shh…" he covered my mouth out of embarrassed reflex, and for good reasons. A couple of students were walking by, and almost caught our topic. When they saw the scene of a boy with his hands on the lips of a supposed girl, they just giggled and walked away.

"Keep it down, okay? No one should ever know about this, not even Yaya or Kukai."

I looked at him, first in disbelief, then in astonishment, and then finally I decided I was just simply happy. My ear to ear grin confused him for a bit, because that was the last thing he was expecting when he admitted something so critical. But I had all the reason to be overjoyed at the moment, because finally I get to do something for him.

"You got it."

The day that followed I immediately exposed myself to everything about Amu. From the descriptions of her fans I could definitely call her an enigma, also with how the ambiguous 'cool and spicy' label gets her through the day. Adored by some, coveted by others, but definitely admired by all – needless to say the girl has a very affective and influential nature, although it doesn't look like she is concerned about all that.

But looks alone cannot deceive the eyes of one who has always done the deceiving. I laid eyes on her for the first time, and I immediately knew she had a secret.

My approach was professional – to recruit her for Guardian service. Thanks to the accidental intervention of Ikuto, that part was easy. My intentions were dark and personal – to know more about her so I can bring her closer to Tadase. As soon as she became part of our little circle, I knew I had her. All I had to do was pull her closer by inserting myself in her life.

Girls are simple and easily manipulated. Their subconscious is predictable, their likes boring even with the color they add to it, their preferences are mediocre.

I treated her like the simple girl that she is, despite the elite status the school has crowned her with. Truly she is a simple person, but in that simplicity, things became complicated.

Her three Charas reflect the kind of person that she is, and the expectations she has of herself. Being simple was not an interference to being remarkable, and like Tadase, Amu is one remarkable person. Her mind is flexible, attentive to concerns other than hers. Her skills burdened with lack of experience, yet heighten with the compensation of hard work. Unlike all other girls I have tried to imitate, she is not the center of her own world.

And her world is an honest world, made bright with her pure heart. Still like Tadase, she has no secrets, other than her true self which she tries to hide- her vulnerable, and at the same time, strong self.

I was pulled into her pace before I even became aware of it. She was not boring, because she doesn't ask selfish questions which I can anticipate. She was not predictable, because she goes by the flow that she does not set on her own. And she is not mediocre, because she strives for more than what she has already done.

She is different, and not as simple as I hoped.

She started calling me her 'best friend.' I once swore to dedicate that title only to Tadase, but I could not bring myself to deny her that, not even mentally. Mostly because she is very much like Tadase – she is honest, she is remarkable, and she has nothing to hide. They would really suit one another.

Me on the other hand – I could never consider myself to be honest, especially with all the secrets that I hide. Secrets which were once as simple as cross-dressing, became complicated during one particular night when I went to her house for a sleep over.

"I'm really glad to have you as my best friend, Nadeshiko. I get to share so many things with you that I couldn't tell anyone else."

"I'm happy too, Amu-chan, that you are my best friend."

Those were the last words we exchanged before she closed her eyes. Her sleep came swiftly because she was happy, and she knew someone would be greeting her in the morning – someone she could TRUST. She did not know that deep down my heart was far from settling into sleep.

I have forgotten my initial intention for befriending Amu. In fact, for the past few days since I started hanging out with her, I barely had Tadase in mind. I initiated this sleep over with one purpose – to confirm the feelings that grew over the weeks we spent together.

Her face was so innocent and so beautiful while she slept, head turned to my side, lips slightly parted in subtle, slow breaths. As nervous as I was with what I was doing, I did not have to push myself to do what I intended to do.

I leaned my head towards her, and placed my lips on her soft ones. My heart fluttered into heights I have never felt before. It felt good, so I kissed her again, this time, a bit longer. I pulled back, then stared at her, breath-taken by her moonlit face, and then kissed her again.

Hinamori Amu - so beautiful, and so vulnerable – because she thought I was a girl, and because she trusted me – the same way Tadase trusted me with the truth of his feelings for her.

The rest of the night passed without a single wink for my eyes, because they were too busy crying. I felt utterly disgusted towards myself.

Morning came. School came. Our guardian sessions came. Nothing was different, because I was already used to hiding things.

Only this time, the secret that I was hiding was too heavy. I need someone to share it with. But who?

Tadase looked at me during our break time. He seemed hopeful. He knew I was getting along with Amu just fine these past couple of days, and I told him I could help him get closer to her.

Amu was chatting with Yaya. She caught my stare, and then smiled at me.

I always thought secrets were supposed to bond people. That's because they involve trust, and sincerity, and fortitude for the truth. I have secrets to hide, but not all of them are worth keeping. As I sifted between my two 'best friends', I feel I have just made all reasons for them not to trust me.

My biggest secret is not that I dress as a girl - I've fallen in love with the same girl whom my best friend loves, and stole said girl's kiss.

My biggest secret – I've betrayed both of my friends.

I guess some secrets are just not comfortable to keep.


	2. Chapter 2

The Samurai

* * *

I have always hated secrets.

Secrets are truths hidden by those who are not strong enough to reveal them, or to bear them.

Secrets are signs of weakness.

The path of the samurai has no room for weaknesses. I purge them when the occasion allows it, or I outgrow them.

Fortunately, secrets are easy to purge. I simply have to live a truthful life, with no pretenses, no deception. Thus I have lived, and thus my strength matures.

"_Don't worry, Kairi! Your big sister will take care of you. She's a tough one." _

I was four when a terrible sickness struck me like a sudden plague. Bed ridden and hopelessly afraid, I relied on people's encouragement to give me the strength I need.

But there were no people there – no family, no friends – only her.

She held my hand, and it was all the love and care that I needed to give me strength. Thanks to her, I survived.

I grew up, hoping someday I will be her strength as well, and it will be my turn to keep her strong.

I grew up wanting to be like her in as much as I can. I grew up knowing no other family than her.

"_Welcome home Kairi!"_

She would greet me upon returning home. She would give me a hug before leaving. She would tell me how proud she is of me, and how she would do everything for me to fulfill my dreams.

That is why she worked for Easter Industries.

"Listen, Kairi. Easter has a special task for you. We need you to be a part of a special group of students called the guardians and gather as much information as you can."

Infiltration – I must blend in, therefore, I must be accepted.

"With your brains and skills, they will surely deem you qualified. Plus, you have Musashi."

Deception – I must hide my true identity, pretend, and gain their trust.

"I know you hate lying to people, but consider it this way… if you're not caught, you will not be questioned. And if you are not questioned, you don't have to lie. Just be there long enough to break into their weak points."

Sabotage – I must turn their trust against them, and trigger their fall.

Thus, my first 'secret' mission – to fill the Jack's chair in the Guardians' rooster.

And so came the chapter of my life in Seiyo Academy.

It was unusual for them to meet someone of my caliber, so I was treated in a rather peculiar way. I thought it would hinder my entry, and jeopardize the level of identity I was holding.

Fortunately, people are easy to fool. The Guardians welcomed me without hesitation. They favored my capacity to organize, to calculate, and to focus. They relied on me, and I met their expectations.

I was the only one who targets the accomplishment of all work, so often times I am the only one who meets the quota. Everyone else is too distracted, too engrossed with their personal dealings, although they do have some notable points.

Tadase is a leader, by practice, by example, by self-presentation. He lacks nothing that would be worth admiring. But his charm is his own distraction, and distracted he sometimes become when one particular girl fills up the scenario.

Rima is strong willed, a silent worker, and goal-oriented, but she is too limp, and has a low level of resilience. I cannot trust her in high volume of tasks, especially ones that require manual labor.

Yaya is... Yaya, and her very being defies the point and purpose of being a Guardian. It's not worth noting how incapable she is.

Needless to say, the Guardian is a composition of weaklings with an even weaker foundation for priorities. I had to do everything.

That is until I started paying attention to her.

Hinamori Amu – the Joker.

And like the joker itself, I saw nothing but a fool on this female.

There is nothing unique about her. Yes, she is pretty, and a promising elegance in terms of physique, but performance wise, anyone else would have fit the picture. Her brains and her skills without the change of character are both average. Her analytical skills works as fine as a jagged road, and her sense of aesthetics are limited to what you see in pink, girly catalogues.

Still, Sensei Tsubasa honored her with the Humpty Lock. If this is to be the Guardian's edge, it will not take much for Easter to take them down. I was confident then that defeating the enemy would be easy.

But I still played the part as the Jack.

For a distraction, I began setting straight Guardian tasks that would otherwise be neglected had I left them to the complacent leadership of the king, the overly precocious judgment of the queen, and the non-existent wisdom of the ace. Amu is not really in the equation. Of course, my goal is still in mind. I am simply entertaining myself with regular student leadership duties because, in layman's terms, I am getting bored.

"Wow, class rep! You're really amazing, you know that? You get high grades, you excel in sports, and you even have time to finish more work than we can."

I ignored the first time my heart leaped after the joker complimented me. I ignored the second time I blushed when she smiled at me. I ignored the third time I got dazed after she leaned so close to ask a math question. I ignored all those occasions, because they were nothing more than distractions that cannot be moderated by reason.

Variables I cannot control must be purged, like secrets. The heart holds too many secrets, and so I must purge it. I must face the truth of this phenomenon, and discover why the joker affects me so. I decided to confront her.

"Joker!"

"Yes?"

"I… I… well, I was… um…"

"Yeah? What is it?"

If she didn't smile at me so brightly and leaned up close, I would not have stammered like a fool and lost my words. But that is more than enough to come up with a logical conclusion – the Guardians may not be a threat, but Amu Hinamori seems to be.

After that, I took into account of monitoring her in every ways possible – her lifestyle, her preferences, her daily routine, simply everything. Everywhere she goes, she leaves a trail of something – like a smile on people's faces, a good memory, people feeling light about themselves and feeling warm. She has this effect that is as confusing as it is remarkable.

It did not make any sense. I was hoping to get more answers from the former queen called Nadeshiko Fujisaki, but she was already overseas. Plus her profile is a bit too ambiguous- it would not have been safe to trust her had I been allowed to.

The more I observed her, the more confused I became, and the more destabilized my heart became.

"Jo-joker – you left your g-gym shirt in the locker room." I handed her the folded piece of neglected clothing with a burning face and a hope that she would not regard this act of charity as perversion.

"Oh! I was looking all over the place for that. How embarrassing! That shirt must drench with my sweat. But thanks anyway, Kairi. I'm so glad you're around. I have some I can count on."

She mentioned my name, and my mind froze. I was not able to register any thought the rest of the afternoon. When my mind came back to its usual sharpness, I was already in my room.

I looked at the mirror, and I was grinning, with a grin I have never seen on my face before.

My heart was racing so wildly, I could not calm down.

Still I tried. I closed my eyes, and began to meditate while taking a lotus pose on my bed.

But amidst the calm darkness came Amu's face, the scent of her used gym shirt, and her voice saying my name – the voice that rang over and over again in my head. Meditation is pointless.

This is getting ridiculous. Perhaps I should try another approach. Instead taking hands-on experience involving her, why not observe those who seem to be having the same kind of problem?

Tadase – perfect candidate. I have caught his inadvertent stares towards Amu. He is obviously under the same spell as I am. I gathered more evidence to prove it, and after seeing him tuck her hair when she's taking a nap, in cases when he could find a reason to touch her, the way he favors Amu over the other two females in our team, and how he brings the topic of her grandeurs when it is just the two of us in discussion – there is enough testament to his infatuation.

And then it occurred to me – my observations were obscured with something else, something in my chest. It was tight, it was hot, and it was making me want to do things I don't know what. I feel it whenever I find them alone together, when he would do something to her that would make her smile, when he makes her giggle.

I felt it the strongest when Tadase touched her face to wipe away a crème that got stranded on her cheek. It became stronger still when he licked the crème from his fingers, and then smiled at her.

"Oh, Kairi. I didn't see you there." Amu said.

"Would you like to join us? We're having Banofee Pie." Tadase offered.

They were not supposed to see me. I was hiding behind a bush and was doing surveillance. I didn't even realize I have exposed myself and was looking at them.

"Is something wrong, Kairi?"

My heart was leaping again in my chest. I felt blood run so fast across my body, warming it, and weakening it. There, in her soft, golden eyes I saw her concern. I was mesmerized beyond words, and just continued to look at her.

Yes, to answer her question, something is indeed wrong. After all the variables and factors in the equation, I have finally come to a conclusion. I have fallen in love with her.

Everything became centered on Amu after that. I could no longer think straight without thinking about her first. In occasions when I would be overburdened with responsibilities, I would think of her, she would make me smile, and I knew everything will be okay.

Before I knew it, she had become my strength.

Easter was no longer part of my concerns. I purposely sabotaged Project Black Wave, where Utau-nechan would use her songs to contaminate heart eggs. My betrayal turned around completely, as I battled against my own sister.

I saw the look of disappointment in her eyes, but also of understanding. She knew I have made a choice.

The project failed, and my sister was held accountable for it. She faced the consequences bravely, along with Utau. She was rendered free from the contract with Easter, and they successfully escaped from the company's vengeful claws.

My sister went home that night, with Utau-nechan behind her. I greeted her, as she had greeted me before, amused at the fact that since her detachment from the company, she had finally come home sober.

"Welcome home, onesan." I humbly said, still burdened down by guilt for turning against her.

But there was no sign of anger from her. She came towards me and took me in her arms, pulling me into a tight hug.

"I'm so sorry for having you go through all that." She said.

I was relieved, and thankful. She gave me a peck on the check, and ushered me to prepare dinner for the three of us. Life became somewhat normal after that.

Strange, I thought. Just when I have relinquished myself to what I felt was my weakness, it was then I that I realized my true strength.

Back with the Guardians, I knew I could no longer bear the shame of taking the Jack's chair. I don't deserve the honor of such title. Aside from that, I have considered myself as unworthy of another thing.

"I love you, Hinamori Amu. Now, and forever. When I have become a suitable man, I will come back to you."

I laid out my battle plan to Tadase right before I left for home town. I could not afford to leave without a mark, seeing as he will be having Amu all to himself. At least, before he claims her, she would have something to think about.

I did my best to regain the honor I have lost from my betrayal – I made sure to make friends and to treat their trust with utmost care. I topped the performance level of my school and exceeded all expectations. I have re-calibrated my standing in society, my morale, and my resolve to claim what I feel is rightfully mine.

After a few months I returned to Seiyo high. Everyone was pleased, even Tadase who, much to my relief, had not yet made his move towards Amu.

MY Amu, as I will soon call her. She is my strength, and I will claim her when the time is right. I am glad the King decided to fight fair.

At first it was awkward. We could not make eye contact without blushing, and finding ourselves alone in a single table gave a really heavy air. Fortunately, during my absence there were a lot of things to talk about, and we sound found ourselves conversing casually.

I knew Tadase was not comfortable having an open suitor linger around the object of his affection, but I also know he values friendship greatly. Companionship with him was not difficult.

All was well, until that time when I went home met with sudden news.

I never knew Nikaido-sensei and my sister were in a relationship. Their history and compatibility as responsible adults reflect a possible connection, but I never suspected anything deeper than friendship.

Nevertheless, I was so happy to hear about their marriage – surprised, and mildly tinged with loneliness but still happy.

I helped arrange the things necessary for the ceremony. It was festive, and everyone had a great time, the bride and groom especially. Part of the arrangement was a two-week luxury cruise for their honeymoon, which meant that I would be having the house to myself, since Utau would also be on a tour.

"Are you sure you will be fine without me, Kairi?" she asked, placing the last of her bags on the vehicle.

"I will, onesan. Just enjoy your trip. Sensei, please take care of my sister."

"Will do, kiddo."

"I love you, nesan." I whispered to her.

"I love you too, Kairi."

That day I held her so tight because I didn't want to let go. But I knew I had to. She has a husband now, and must live her own life. She can't take care of me forever. Back when I was sick, she also held me tight, held me until I fell asleep. I knew when I woke up she would be there to greet me and give me strength.

I promised I will be strong for her someday. I guess she wouldn't need me to, now that she has a man of her own.

Life is good in the end. That's what I thought as I waived at the parting car.

When I got home, the house was empty, and suddenly, so was my life. I didn't know it would be that lonely not to be greeted by someone who had always been there to welcome you home. 2 hours after sending her off and I already miss her. It was pathetic.

Thank God I have Amu.

As always, the mere thought of her washes away any bad feeling. The next day was Monday. I will be seeing her again. I will definitely feel better.

I went to school early the following day, excited to spend another week with her.

But my excitement was extinguished when I saw her and Tadase, eating lunch together. He was happily feeding her strawberries while Amu was focusing on her notes, armed with what looked like complete focus and determination. I heard of a big test next week, so I assumed Tadase was helping her review.

There was no sense on me going stealth mode anymore, but for some reason, I felt I had to watch them from afar. And so I observed them, Tadase asking questions and Amu answering them. Every correct answer will reward Amu with a strawberry, while wrong ones will require her to put a strawberry on his lips.

Tadase will then take advantage by nibbling on her finger. Amu would react with mock disdain, but would still blush and giggle.

At this point, I was already aware that the heavy, stinging sensation that pricks my chest is jealousy. While I watch her from afar, I realized that there is a bond between her and Tadase that I know she doesn't share with me. That familiarity, that silent, mutual understanding of each other's feelings, and the undeniable comfort they have in each other's presence.

"Amu-chan, can I hug you?"

"W-what?"

"Please? I'm feeling a bit lonely."

"Alright then. Come here." And she let him put an arm around her waist and snuggle on her side.

It was jest, a play, a scheme of dark proportions, but Tadase acted it well. My teeth were grinding with my failing restraint. I wanted to burst through my hiding place and peel him off her.

But then I looked at Amu and her content, gentle face. I saw how lovingly she stroke Tadase's hair when he finally laid his head on her lap. I heard her hum a tune to take away his declared 'loneliness.'

It was so unfair. Tadase is by no means lonely, as I see in his smiling face. He wouldn't even know what loneliness means.

I would.

I've been lonely since I left Seiyo, since I denied myself of her presence. I've been lonely since I accepted the fact that I could not make her as happy as he could. I've been lonely since my sister accepted Nikaido-sensei's proposal.

I'm the lonely one! Amu should be giving ME a hug! She should be comforting ME! It should be MY head on her lap!

Perhaps this is KARMA. Perhaps betraying my friends and diverting from my goals is now taking its toll on me. If it is, then so be it.

I must be strong enough to face the consequences of my actions. Amu probably trust him with everything by now, while in my case I still have to prove myself.

And prove myself I shall, starting with the privacy I am to give them. I walked away silently, swearing one day I will be able to break the wall of boundary between me and Amu, and be subject to her affections just as Tadase is right now. But for now, I shall walk.

To distract myself, I thought I'd help clean up the gym. Those six graders always leave a mess when done using the school equipment, so the committee assigned to restoration would need all the help they could get. A couple of students were already there, but it didn't seem like they were anywhere near being done, so I still lent a hand.

On the corner of the room, I saw a peculiar paper bag.

I checked the contents. It was a gym shirt, a girl's gym shirt. I immediately thought of taking it to the lost and found when I read the label on the bag:

Hinamori Amu – it was Amu's shirt, her USED and probably SOILED shirt.

I became nervous all of a sudden – cold sweat, shaking, mind rattled. This simple paper bag had just torn me from my stable mindset and was plunging me to a very dark world, a world that I know would contaminate me with a villainous nature.

I knew what should be done – return it to the owner. But it was Amu's shirt.

What's the big deal? It's not as if I haven't seen a girl's gym shirt before. But it was Amu's shirt.

Amu would be looking for it. She'd think it lost and someone was pulling a prank on her. But it was Amu's shirt.

Calm down, Kairi. You've done this before, you can do it again. Just give the darn shirt back. What are you going to do with it anyway?

The question got stuck in my head: what CAN I do with Amu's shirt.

I didn't realize I was already standing there for a good ten minutes, lost and dumbfounded for getting such a find. Someone took notice and called out my name. My frozen mind had badly mixed reflex with panic, so I snapped, clutched the bag on my chest, and ran to the nearest restroom.

By the time I finally secured myself in one of the cubicles, I was already breathing heavily. My heart was beating so fast, and not just from the running. Technically, I had just stolen an item from someone. And not just any item- a very intimate item.

Inside the bag was the white and red piece of clothing. As I was breathing, I was taking in a familiar smell from inside.

Temptation. But what is temptation in this scenario? It is just a simple piece of clothing.

Still shaking and a bit edgy, I stuck my hand in and slowly pulled out the shirt. The bag fell on the tiled floor, now rendered useless. I raised the clothing up and spread out the sleeves, still in disbelief of what I was doing.

_Amu's shirt! _

It was damp, and it was warm. Amu had obviously been sweating a lot.

Struggling was futile. I was already succumbing to lower faculties, and I didn't have enough strength to fight, so I let it flow.

I roughly pressed the crunched up fabric on my face and breathed it in deep. It was the scent of her sweat, of her skin, of her cologne, of her body wash, of her shampoo – it mixed into a slightly sour delight that was easy to imprint in memory.

It was addicting.

I registered the wonderful smell, and then continued to rub her shirt on my face.

_Ahhh- Amu-chan._

I took time to gaze at the soft item and then noticed that I have accidentally stained saliva on it.

_Oh no._

The stain was a sharp mark on the part that would have covered her chest. I felt my head burn with the concept of having licked that part. For a moment, I thought of stopping this nonsense and just handing it over to her.

But that would be social suicide.

"Ah, Amu-chan, I love you so much."

I've never even called out her name before, but now I was showering kisses and licks over her sweaty shirt. The armpit had the strongest scent of fruity cologne, and I rubbed it well on my nose. I licked the sleeve slowly, imagining my tongue actually trailing on her shoulder, slurping the taste of her skin in its pungent, sour remnants.

_I just want a hug, Amu-chan. I just want you to hold me_

My imagination did all the work as I pressed the shirt on my chest, rubbing it on my body like it was something to bathe with. All the while, my mind was conjuring up images of her body with open arms taking me into her bosom.

I could feel her warmth, her softness, but it was all a delusion. I stopped for a moment and considered the shirt again. I ignored the tear that travelled down my eyes.

What was I feeling, really? Longing? Love? Lust?

It did not matter. I have Amu now, I have her. I have her. I have her.

I have her.

"Hey, has anyone seen a paper bag around here?"

"I swear I saw something like a bag over those benches awhile ago, but I'm not sure anymore. Why don't you check the lost and found section? Maybe someone already bought it there."

"Thanks mister!"

"Amu-chi! What's up?"

"Ah, Yaya. I'm looking for my paper bag. Have you seen it?"

"Hmm – the one you always carry? It has your gym uniform, right?"

"Yeah, that's the one."

"Nope, sorry. Haven't seen it!"

I went home that day with a terrible weight of self-abhorrence. Musashi tried to attend to me, but I could not tell him what happened. He was busy with the other charas when I rushed to the toilet, so he doesn't know.

I thoroughly washed her gym shirt and pressed it down. I have to return it to her next week – the means of which is still a puzzle.

The following day, as I sat with the rest of the Guardians, I could feel my face burning with silent humiliation. I was so embarrassed to even make eye-contact to anyone. Everyone noticed, of course, but I made a good lie in saying that it was just a slight fever, and that I already took in my medicine.

"Are you sure you're going to be alright?" Amu asked. Oh, how I wished I could look into your eyes again, but I could not bear the shame.

"Y-yes. You need not worry about me. Let us focus on other concerns."

"Okay then."

"By the way, class Rep! Amu-chi lost her gym uniform yesterday."

"O-oh, really?"

"Yeah. I still have a spare, so it's not really a big deal. I'm just a little worried that I misplaced it somewhere."

"Maybe some pervert took it so he could smell your body."

"Yaya!"

"Hehehe! I'm sorry, Amu-chi. I was just kidding. No way something like that would happen to this school, right class rep?"

I don't know what my face looked like during that time. All I know is that deep down I was in a state of panic. The stable, upright Kairi had gone somewhere, and had been reduced to a guilt-stricken mess.

You are wrong, Yaya. It could happen. It did happen, and you are looking at the pervert now.

Once again, I have betrayed my friends, this time to a more disgusting extent.

I have betrayed my love.

I have betrayed my own code.

While I swore to always take the path of truth, I now find myself battling with the truth inside me, and now with a secret this deep and this dark, I realized how weak I am for not being able to face such truth.


End file.
